Healthy Thinking About Male Sexuality

Illustration: Craig

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Thirty-six-year-old Craig is a sexually healthy man. He had no formal sex education but has learned to use relevant, trusted resources (books and Web sites) and processes sexual feelings, preferences, and experiences with his wife of 9 years, Ann. He’d been a finance major in college, and his career focused on arranging financial backing for start-up technology and health services companies. Craig is a good judge of both business and people, mixing technical expertise with good interpersonal skills. Kamagra Australia online

Craig’s developmental sexual learnings were common for his generation. He’d had his first orgasmic experience with masturbation at age 13, his first orgasmic experience with partner manual stimulation at age 16, and, in the context of a serious dating relationship, his first intercourse at age 19. Craig had six serious dating relation-ships before meeting Ann at age 25 and marrying 21 months later. Although Craig had several disappointing and confusing relational/ sexual experiences, he was proud that he’d not had any sexually transmitted diseases or pregnancies. However, Craig was not judgmental when his best male friend contracted herpes and Craig urged him to view this as a health problem, not a moral failure. He urged his friend to be an informed, active patient and to learn his herpes cycle and what to do to reduce frequency of outbreaks.

Craig learned in his 20s what most men don’t learn until their 40s or 50s (some, in fact, never do). Sex is more satisfying when it is mutual, pleasure oriented, and variable. Even as a young man, Craig did not view intercourse sex as the ultimate pass–fail test of masculinity. In addition to intercourse, he enjoyed giving oral sex as well as one-way erotic scenarios when he was manually pleasured to orgasm. Craig especially enjoyed highly erotic, focused, 5-minute intercourse scenarios.

Craig and Ann’s typical lovemaking scenario involved about 40 minutes of kissing and touching in the den with clothes on, then going upstairs and getting nude and doing cunnilingus (Ann was multiorgasmic with oral stimulation), followed by intercourse in Craig’s favorite sitting–kneeling position, which usually lasted 5 to 8 minutes before his orgasm; they very much enjoyed their non-verbal afterplay before drifting off to sleep. Of course, this was not their only lovemaking scenario. Although Ann really valued this scenario, Craig valued variability and unpredictability even more. Viagra professional Australia

Theirs was primarily a partner interaction arousal scenario, but when Ann wasn’t in a sexual mood, Craig particularly enjoyed arousal where she would give to him and he could relax and take in all the pleasurable and erotic sensations (self-entrancement arousal). Most men Craig’s age are only open to penile stimulation when they are already erect, but Craig was open to interactive stimulation as a way to develop arousal and erection. He knew Ann valued the fact that she could help him get in the mood and erect. Craig typically did not view sex as a tension reducer but realized that Ann did and was responsive to that scenario.

Probably the most important learning for Craig, which would serve him well as he aged, was accepting that 5–15% of their encounters just didn’t work. Craig’s favorite story was about being in the middle of sex and saying to Ann, “I want you to really enjoy this, it’s for you,” and she stopped and said, “I’m not getting into sex at all; I was doing this for you.” They were able to laugh it off, cuddle, and agree to try again the next day when they were awake, alive, and sexually receptive. With these attitudes and psychosexual skills, it is likely that Craig and Ann will have a healthy, satisfying sexual life into their 70s and 80s.

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